30 October, 2011

bar joke!

There was this guy at a bar, just looking at his drink. He stays like that for half of an hour.

Then, this big trouble-making truck driver steps next to him, takes the drink from the guy, and just drinks it all down. The poor man starts crying. The truck driver says, "Come on man, I was just joking. Here, I'll buy you another drink. I just can't stand to see a man cry."

"No, it's not that. This day is the worst of my life. First, I fall asleep, and I go late to my office. My boss, outrageous, fires me. When I leave the building, to my car, I found out it was stolen. The police said that they can do nothing. I get a cab to return home, and when I leave it, I remember I left my wallet and credit cards there. The cab driver just drives away."

"I go home, and when I get there, I find my wife in bed with the gardener. I leave home, and come to this bar. And just when I was thinking about putting an end to my life, you show up and drink my poison."

28 October, 2011

9 Words Women Use


>   9 WORDS WOMEN USE
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 1) Fine: This is the word women use to end an argument when
> they are right and you need to shut up.
> 
>  
> 
> (2) Five Minutes: If she is getting dressed, this means a
> half an hour. Five minutes is only five minutes if you have
> just been given five more minutes to watch the game before
> helping around the house.
> 
>  
> 
> (3) Nothing: This is the calm before the storm.  This means
> something, and you should be on your toes. Arguments that
> begin with nothing usually end in fine.    
> 
>  
> 
> (4) Go Ahead: This is a dare, not permission. Don't Do
> It!     
> 
>  
> 
> (5) Loud Sigh: This is actually a word, but is a non-verbal
> statement often misunderstood by men. A loud sigh means she
> thinks you are an idiot and wonders why she is wasting her
> time standing here and arguing with you about nothing.  
> (Refer back to # 3 for the meaning of nothing.) 
> 
>  
> 
> (6) That's Okay: This is one of the most dangerous
> statements a woman can make to a man. That's okay means
> she wants to think long and hard before deciding how and
> when you will pay for your mistake.  
> 
>  
> 
> (7)  Thanks: A woman is thanking you, do not question, or
> Faint. Just say you're welcome. (I want to add in a
> clause here - This is true, unless she says 'Thanks a
> lot' - that is PURE sarcasm and she is not thanking you
> at all.    DO NOT say 'you're welcome' ... that
> will bring on a 'whatever').  
> 
>  
> 
> (8) Whatever: Is a women's way of saying ____ YOU! 
> 
>  
> 
> (9) Don't worry about it, I got it: Another dangerous
> statement, meaning this is something that a woman has told a
> man to do several times, but is now doing it herself. This
> will later result in a man asking 'What's
> wrong?' For the woman's response refer to # 3. 

27 October, 2011

Lawyer, Economist & Teacher

A lawyer, an economist, and a teacher were going to the bathroom. The lawyer gets done, washes his hands, and then proceeds to use almost the entire roll of paper towels to dry his hands. He says "I was taught to be thorough." The economist gets done, washes his hands, but uses only one paper towel. He says "I was taught to be environmentally friendly." The teacher gets done and leaves without washing his hands. He says "I was taught not to piss on my hands."
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