26 July, 2011

What's Your Name?

The manager of a large office noticed a new man one day and told him to come into his office. "What is your name?" Was the first thing the manager asked the new guy.
"John," the new guy replied.
The manager scowled, "Look, I don't know what kind of a mamby-pamby place you worked at before, but I don't call anyone by their first name. It breeds familiarity and that leads to a breakdown in authority. I refer to my employees by their last name only -- Smith, Jones, Baker -- that's all. I am to be referred to only as Mr. Robertson. Now that we got that straight, what is your last name?"
The new guy sighed and said, "Darling. My name is John Darling."
"Okay, John, the next thing I want to tell you is..."

04 July, 2011

Fireworks and the 4th of July!

One year, Jim's family was having the "extended family Fourth of July cookout" at their home. One of the special treats that year was the lighting of the fireworks they had bought out of state, because they're illegal in their state, of course!
Just before they were to arrive, a cousin calls, saying his neighbor's plans had just fallen through and could they bring them along to the picnic. They even had extra food to bring.

"Sure, the more the merrier!"

Upon arrival and meeting their cousin's neighbor, it is discovered that he's a police officer. The father turns as innocently as he can to Jim and whispers to him to grab the paper bag of fireworks sitting in the kitchen and hide them somewhere quickly. Jim disappears and the father changes the topic to food for the day. This family had brought some chicken to grill, so the father tells them the gas grill is all set to use out back.

"Just turn on the gas and push the ignition button with the lid still closed."
They head out to the back as Jim comes back in through the front door. The father hurries to him and says, "Whew, that was close! That man's a police officer and he almost saw the fireworks. Did you hide them real well?"

"Oh, yeah, nobody will ever think to look in the grill!"
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