The Secret to a Long Marriage

With a man soon to celebrate his 50th wedding anniversary at the church's marriage marathon, the minister asked Pete to take a few minutes and share some insight into how he managed to maintain his marriage with the same woman all these years.

The husband replied to the audience, "Well, I treated her with respect, spent money on her, but mostly I took her traveling on special occasions."

The minister inquired, "Trips to where"?

"For our 25th anniversary, I took her to Beijing, China."

The minister then said, "What a terrific example you are to all husbands, Pete."

Please tell the audience what you're going to do for your wife on your 50th anniversary."

Pete said, "I'm going to go get her."

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Golf...Oh No!!

Arthur is 90 years old. He's played golf every day since his retirement 25 years ago. One day he arrives home looking downcast.

"That's it," he tells his wife. "I'm giving up golf. My eyesight has become so bad that once I hit the ball I couldn't see where it went."

His wife sympathizes and makes him a cup of tea. As they sit down she says, "Why don't you take my brother with you and give it one more try."

"That's no good" sighs Arthur, "your brother's a hundred and three. He can't help."

"He may be a hundred and three", says the wife, "but his eyesight is perfect."

So the next day Arthur heads off to the golf course with his brother-in-law. He tees up, takes a mighty swing and squints down the fairway.

He turns to the brother-in-law and says, "Did you see the ball?"

"Of course I did!" replied the brother-in-law. "I have perfect eyesight".

"Where did it go?" says Arthur.

"I don't remember."

hahaha...poor duck!

A circus owner walked into a bar to see everyone crowded about a table watching a little show. On the table was an upside down pot and a duck tap dancing on it. The circus owner was so impressed that he offered to buy the duck from its owner. After some wheeling and dealing, they settled for $10,000 for the duck and the pot.

Three days later the circus owner runs back to the bar in anger, "Your duck is a ripoff! I put him on the pot before a whole audience, and he didn't dance a single step!"

"So?" asked the ducks former owner, "did you remember to light the candle under the pot?"

Angry Wife! Find out why! lol....

A wife asked her husband to describe her.

He said, "You're A, B, C, D, E, F, G, H, I, J, K."

She said, "What does that mean?"

He said, "Adorable, Beautiful, Cute, Delightful, Elegant, Foxy, Gorgeous Hot."

She said, "Oh that's so lovely. What about I, J, K?"

He said, "I'm Just Kidding"

A bet is a bet...

A blonde and a redhead went to the bar after work for a drink, and sat on stools watching the 6 O'clock news. A man was shown threatening to jump from the Brooklyn Bridge, and the blonde bet the redhead $50 that he wouldn't jump.

Sure enough, he jumped, so the blonde gave the redhead $50. The redhead said,
"I can't take this, you're my friend."

But the blonde insisted saying, "No. A bet's a bet."

Then the redhead said "Listen, I have to tell you that I saw this on the 5 O'clock news, so I can't take your money."

The blonde replied "Well, so did I, but I didn't think he would jump again!"

"cup of tea"

> 
> One day my mother was out and my dad was in charge of me. 
> 
> I was maybe 2 1/2 years old. Someone had given me a little
> 'tea set' as a gift and it was one of my favorite toys. 
> 
> Daddy was in the living room en grossed in the evening news
> when I brought Daddy a little cup of 'tea', which was just
> water. After several cups of tea and lots of praise for such
> yummy tea, my Mom came home.
> 
> My Dad made her wait in the living room to watch me bring
> him a cup of tea, because it was 'just the cutest thing!' My
> Mom waited, and sure enough, here I come down the hall with
> a cup of tea for Daddy and she watches him drink it up. 
> 
> Then she says, (as only a mother would know... :)
> 
> 'Did it ever occur to you that the only place she can reach
> to get water is the toilet? 
> 
>